Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
