She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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