I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
