Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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