I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Is it penis luge time yet?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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