you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
