omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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