I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
