His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
