i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
