Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
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