Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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