I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
