I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
