They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
