I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
