i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
