Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
