i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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