I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
