in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
