dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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