i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
