Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I have fence marks all over my body
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
