perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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