Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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