I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
