You smell like stripper and shame
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Holy shit dude........stairs
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
