you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
