my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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