i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
The uberlube is also flammable
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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