Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
