The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
