my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
