It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
