oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
