I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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