I think my vagina is haunted
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
