i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize