Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Randomize
