I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
