Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
