Where did you get a picture of my penis
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I skipped work to stalk him.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
