hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
