Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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