Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
