Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
