you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
