I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
and you fell through a lawn chair
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
