everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
