I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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