How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
