I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
