Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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