used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
