so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Randomize
