im having a threesome with these popsicles
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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