Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
