Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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