You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
