Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
