I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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