pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
