o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize