i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
