he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
