these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
