End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
