I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Randomize
