My hair reeks of homosexuality.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
