two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
