I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
