i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
a search helicopter?!
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
