i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
