my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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