If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
