it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
