I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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