Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
