I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
