My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
