Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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