no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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