i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
