I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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