the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
now i know why i became what i already was.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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