I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just blew my weed a kiss
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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